This is my post from yesterday on Facebook but I know some of my readers are not on there so reposting it to bring everyone up to speed. More has happened but I want to talk to the doctor today before I update again:

I'm not buying the whole IBD diagnosis as his test results do not support it short of him having a bit of narrowing at the junction of his large and small intestines. The pain is directly over his liver and not even close to the narrowing either. Nor is the pain triggered by his diet. They are missing something and at this point are treating him as a junky looking for drugs. I'm soo mad and insulted.

Last night he told them he felt an ear infection coming on and requested some drops. He is prone to them and since he has spent most of his time laying on that side, I'm not surprised. They refused to treat it and said he could wait until morning. By then his head was pounding and he was begging for meds. 6 hours passed and still they had not treated it. He went delirious from the pain and decided to leave as they were not helping him. They let him leave!!! He stumbled down to the main lobby and texted me to come get him!

I had stayed home this morning to give the kids a bit of normalcy. What a mistake. When I got there he was white as a ghost, no shoes and clearly not okay. I got him as far as the top floor and he collapsed onto a bench. I went to the desk and asked for help. They were going to refuse to let him back to his bed which they had already cleared and told us that he may have to go back to emergency if he wanted back in. I'm going to stop there and let's just say that I made sure he got back on that bed and treated.

The doctor on the phone ordered a mental evaluation at this point. They think this pain is in his head or at least not as bad as he is claiming!! By the time the psychiatrist was done a very different picture than these assumptious assholes were expecting was painted. Guess what. This guy with tattoos and shaggy hair has a respectable career, loving family and friends, and every reason to want to get better. Surprise! Do they think he has the energy to shave or that I should come in with my hair styled covering my tattoo oh and let me guess, makeup? I can't believe that some people are still like that.

I have to say, I think the psychiatrist knew more than the treating doctors he has been seeing! He was a godsend and I'm glad he actually had to come by as now I feel like maybe the others will listen.
As my aunt said, these doctors should humble themselves. If they cannot find the problem then they should send him to Vancouver or to another specialist that may have the answer we're missing here. Not just assume that since they fail to see it that it doesn't exist.

I hope they hear what the wonderful Doctor we saw today says in his report (which included a request to investigate the incident between Damon and the nurse leading to his melt down). There are still some gems in this world. He was one.

CAT
 
Deep breath, stepped back, root of problem. Right...too late. No fixing the root of this problem. Last post I said that whole thing about things can always get worse...is this karma? Fate? A sick joke? What the **** did I do in my last life????

Okay okay. Big breaths. I know I'm not making sense so let me enlighten you to the last few days' events. I highly warn you that this is by far a very personal account and a post that will touch on death. I write from the heart and hold back nothing when it comes to describing my emotional connections to my experiences.

Remember I said hubby hasn't been doing well health wise? He's been off work for close to 3 months following an attack of severe pain on his right side abdomen.

The first time was about 5 years ago and it was much like a gallbladder attack. They searched for the problem but found nothing. It became a constant annoying pain that the doctors just monitored because there was just nothing physically wrong to be found. At the start of January this year he had another attack and this time it was very much like pancreatitis. Again there were tests, scans, scopes, and so on but again it was found that there was nothing physically wrong to be seen. They have no idea why he is in pain.

Out come the pills for inflammation and pain and nausea (from the drugs) and muscle relaxers. And and and....he starts to feel a bit better.

Being the stubborn man he is and our savings account nearing empty he decides to go back to work. 2 days pass and while he is sore from sudden activity again he says he's feeling pretty good. Day 3 he awakes feeling fine and goes to work. Does this job and that. Chit chats with some coworkers. Leans over a tire to pick something up (not heavy lean or anything, just leans) and WHAM! He's on the ground in severe pain. 3 guys have to pack him to the shuttle to take him to emergency.

I get the call. Yah, you know that one. The call.

Of course almost all my family is out of town for spring break or working. So, kids in tow I head to the hospital not certain what I'm walking in on. I get to his bed and put the kids into chairs with a snack to the side and start working my phone to find someone to take them. Damon is screaming in waves and covered in sweat. Between attacks he asks me to get his gear off. I finally get through to my brother and he is on his way.
The kids are crying so I soothe them between taking Damon's boots off as the nurse cuts his shirt off. My brother arrives just as another attack comes on so I bring the kids out to him and soothe them one last time before I go back in. The poor little ones. It really was too much for them.

The nurse is pushing more morphine and says to me that he has 15mg in now. You or me would be fast asleep at this point. He continues to scream. This goes on and she hits 25mg which doesn't even touch him. I have his hand clenched in mine and he says he is dying, that he loves me and then starts to convulse. I tell him I love him and that he needs to keep fighting whatever it is. Just keep fighting it.

I've seen those eyes before. A life long pet who I've craddled in my arms as she took her last look at me before the injection sent her to sleep forever. They are the eyes of a moose in it's final moments as I have given thanks for the life given. The eyes of my grandmother when she was no longer there but for the machines that made her breath. That look that sees something we don't. I command him to keep fighting.

They just kept pushing more drugs into him trying different ones to find one that would work. At that point the drugs were becoming a high risk to his breathing. The nurse said it was a fine line between helping him and doing more damage.
Over 2 hours he fought before his body stopped convulsing and over 6 hours before the waves slowed enough to let him sleep some. I never admitted it then but I thought I was losing him. Only once did my voice betray me when I cried out no as his eyes glazed over. And maybe that was the pull he needed to come back.
Two nights have passed now and he is up on a floor out of emergency now. He is stable and the mass of wires are gone save for his drip line. We pulled through and now we face a new path.
The Doctor has more solidified his recent diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) which includes both chrons and colitis in Damon's case. This is a nasty combo to have as surgery can help one condition but in doing so it would make the other worse. In other words, there is nothing we can do to fix this. Our best plan is to find a way to manage the pain and attacks. It all seems....just wrong.
I'm drained and my mood is all over from strong determination to disparity.
I've been told we are given only what we can handle. Perhaps I've shown myself too strong. Perhaps if I was weaker it would have all been less dramatic. I have been given a task to care for the people in my life and I won't fail them. I will need to do a lot more writing though to help myself through it all. This is my therapy. Right here.

CAT
 
What a month this has been. Trust me when I say that if you think things can't get worse, they can. Today is the first day this month that I've felt things can get better again though.

In the last week I watched everyone around me crash hard in every area of their lives and I was right there crashing with them. I don't want to get into great detail as well, it's our private lives and involves many people. Let it suffice to say that I did notice a very blatant correlation that I can't ignore and that has led me to some new insights.

I've always hated aspartame. Strong word, hate, but I mean it! I hate it! I knew before that it is bad news for our health just on the basis that it hardens our cells. (Please don't ask me for scientific proof on anything I say today. Research and decide for yourself what you think. I'm in no mood to authenticate my theory beyond my own experience.) This last week has solidified my resolve to keep it out not just most of the time but all the time. No exceptions.

I thought that a single slice of strawberry pie made with some sugar free jello for a birthday would be an okay little slide to allow my children. Nope. It wasn't and many many people paid the price of my mistake. From teachers to peers and home to family and extended relatives leading to an investigation that is meant to help us get control of our children's behavioural issues...how the heck did this happen???

After a very careful review and processes of elimination we (me and hubby) came back to that slice of pie with red dye and aspartame. It hit us like a bell. Oh, to have hindsight. Here's the kicker....it can take up to 6 weeks for our bodies to detox the aspartame out!!! Not a day or a couple hours like with sugar. 4-6 weeks. It wasn't just the kids but everyone who ate the pie had serious emotional issues the week following and I'm only today starting to feel a bit better myself. I doubt the others have any idea that it was the pie but when you step back the evidence is just all too clear to me.

In fact, the worst day was Wednesday for everyone. How could that be if they are in separate homes not directly influencing each other? This was 3 days after consumption which according to what I've read means it was just starting to break down having a half life of 3-4 days. This means that the amount in our system halves every 3-4 days. Based on that it would take about 4 weeks to eliminate but again, do your own research.

I'm just floored and horrified that it had such an impact.

I have seen my daughter in such a state a couple times in the past following consumption of red dye (cream soda one time and a medicine the other). It was like she went feral. I had to actually strap her into her car seat the first time and it took close to 2 hours before she just collapsed into an exhausted sleep and came back to normal. It was horrible and I felt scared, confused, just dumbfounded. It took us awhile to figure it out then too. Probably because I don't buy pop for our kids. It wasn't until she had a cold some time later that we put it together that it was the red dye. Normally, a little medicine at night helps ease the pain of a cough and let's them sleep better. Not that night! By morning we were all swiped as she was up and hyper hyper until like 4 in the morning!

Now, as me and Damon pieced it together this morning, I'm thinking....what was I thinking saying yes to the pie!!!! It was both red dye AND aspartame. So, you ask, why am I not just blaming the dye? Because my son has never had the same issue with dyes and neither have the others it affected. The only other oddity everyone ate was the aspartame! I might be wrong but I'd bet my top dollar that over the next 3 weeks everything 'strangely' goes back to normal.

Last night I woke up at least 6 times and looking back over the week I realized I haven't slept well all week. I thought it was the stress from others but now I'm thinking that none of us have been sleeping well. I asked Damon and he said it was the same for him! Only I was waking on the hour and he was waking about mid hour. We weren't waking each other... There is just too many of these examples for me to think otherwise. And who can think clearly and 'behave' well with lack of sleep!

We won't see the school counsellors until after the spring break (April) so it should be interesting to hear what they observe at that point....

Sorry I've been so absent from my blog but I've had lots to deal with and our recovery as a family is at the forefront. Tomorrow Damon will attempt to return to work on light duties as the medicine he is taking seems to be helping some. Still no firm diagnosis (appt on Thursday) but we're optimistic that whatever it is we can get it to manageable. The retracted their previous diagnosis of pancreatitis after a couple scopes and are now leaning towards colonitis or perhaps chrons. I'll wait a see what they say next...

Did I mention I have a cracked rib? :/ Apparently, there is nothing I can really do but rest and protect it. It is taking forever to heal!

Long post today :) I don't kid myself that everyone has their challenges just like us. I hope my readers are seeing a few less though and holding strong in their journeys! When things go all chaos on you: take a deep breath, a step back, and try to trail your way to the true root of the problem.

Cheers
CAT
 
That's it! I completed my weights class. 6 weeks of twice a week workouts. I never did do measurements (sorry, I seem to have put up a block in this arena) but I can tell you that the jeans I was wearing are now way too loose. I went out and rewarded myself with not one but two pairs of size 30 silvers. Woot Woot! Down a size!

I've learned a few new things and confirmed a few things I felt I already understood.

The scale no longer works as a gauge on progress once weights and cardio are established. I finished my last round at 142lbs and today I was 151.2lbs yet down a size in pants. Enough said!

Carbs are our friends! I'm not saying it's time to break out the hamburger buns and garlic bread. Woah there! What I'm saying is that I pair carbs with protein before and after a weights class. Without it, I see spots. Literally, I get the worse visual aura followed by a killer migraine. My body spoke and I responded accordingly. Now I eat 2-3 eggs with a slice of squirrelly bread (or 2 slices if its the little big man bread. They are sliced thin to add up to half a slice. Same thing.) with a bit of mayo before weights. Then I follow the work out with either a protein shake (whey isolate, spinach, blueberries or strawberries, maybe some flax seeds) or I have more eggs with an apple or the like. I still cook with either evoo or virgin coconut oil.

If it's a cardio day then I change things up a bit. Almost all my workouts are in the morning. I fast before cardio (I'll still have a coffee with cream these days) and follow with a big breakfast. These days I like to have a 3 egg omelet. Lots of mushrooms, onions, zucchini, bell peppers and even a sprinkle of asiago cheese (10-15g). I often will have a single slice of the little big bread (remember these are like half a slice) with a half Tbsp of all natural peanut butter and half Tbsp all fruit jam. I don't do a mid morning snack on these days as breakfast is already later and big. By fasting before cardio I don't feel like I'm sloshing around and ready to puke during my workout.

I haven't been counting calories this last couple weeks as my weight has been stable around 150-152 for that long. When I last checked though I find I eat around 90-150g carbs, 130-170g protein, and about 90-110g fats. Protein is the one that seems to fluctuate the most with me hitting as high as 200g on the rare occasion. My carbs hit the high end when my fibre is up high too (25-35g is high). But really, you could say that I get a fairly comparative amount of each. I didn't plan it that way but it's what I'm seeing that works for me!

My week normally looks like this:
Sunday-family activity (swimming, walking, outside play, etc)
Monday-rest day (but again I'm walking lots just living life such as shopping, banking, and other appts. This is the main day I do them.)
Tuesday-weights 1 hour
Wednesday-gymnastics 1 1/2 hours
Thursday-weights 1 hour
Friday-cardio 30-45 minutes
Saturday- optional rest day but I often slip in another cardio 30-45 minutes

Well there you have it. A total of 4 1/2-5 hours a week spent directly on fitness.
My cradio is either swimming or biking (I have a recumbent bike at home which I'm sweating on as I type this, lol).

Otherwise, many of my old rules still apply. Drinking at least half my weight translated into ounces a day, 2-3 fruit max, eat at least half my calories by the end of lunch and stop eating within 2-3 hours of bedtime.

I plan to keep up my weight training even though the class is done. I can really see a difference! Very little jiggle left to my arms, the ladies have moved up, and I can see some abs peaking through!!! The muscle growth is very noticeable as I've had a few people I've needed to inform that, yes, I am married. :)

Cheers
CAT
 
Drifting in and out of focus. My weight has actually been stable and I have not been counting calories. All last week I was dealing with severe shoulder and neck pain. Not sure what I did but it took me a lot to go to my classes. I made it to all three though! My gymnastics coach said to keep going but not to overdo it. So I kept on going. Finally on Friday it released the golf ball knot. I could finally think again! If aliens or some invading army wants to take us out....just put us in chronic pain. It is the worst torture bar none.
I haven't been swimming in awhile. Maybe I'll add that in again this week.
I found a cheesecake at Save On that is a single serving with no refined sugar! Every couple weeks I pick one up to indulge in :)
I hope everyone is well!
Cheers
CAT
 
Guess I was the only one wanting to hit weights class today. Got an awesome one on one workout with the trainer. Good thing too as my world is spinning. I slammed that medicine ball hard today!

So, hubby had his scope yesterday. Starting to feel like we're playing the 'wheel of illness'. Apparently the pancreatitis is a symptom not the cause of his woes. Now their telling us it's colitis and mild chrons. But he has more tests to go yet before we'll know more (I feel like we know less now...what will the next blood tests and ct tell us!?). And so we carry on...
Last night I hit the wall hard and binged. Hard. Up 3lbs this morning :( Eating disorders are a tough one (I will be discussing it further over the next while) and I'm in the midst of a relapse. That's not to say that I haven't learnt a thing or two in coping these last couple years! Time to pull out some of those tools to keep me on track. Steak day today and I already took a detox bath to relax me some. This is why I say weights class was soo good today too! Another tool in my tool box! I'll take some more time this evening and over the next while reaffirming my relationship with food too.
I've kept up my water water water and early to bed vow of late. I can deal with this too. One day at a time!
Cheers
CAT
 
Legs! We did legs yesterday and I thought for sure I would fall down any stairs I walked the rest of the day. I groaned and moaned all day! Every time my husband looked at me I would laugh at myself. In his supportive way he promised me it would get better. Thinking back on my journey, I know he's right.
It was hard to take the first dose and start the diet. It was hard to cut out the carbs. It was hard to drink sooo much water. It was hard to learn how to eat right for my body and stabilize my weight loss. But all those things are much easier now. With each day I grew stronger in will and developed my knowledge as I went. What I can do now is amazing in comparison to where I was just a year ago!
This too will get easier.
Cheers
CAT
 
Onto a new week! It's Monday and I'll admit that I have done nothing over the weekend as per workouts. Tomorrow I'm back to weights class.
My area of focus for this week is twofold: sleep and water. Both need to be increased if not doubled! With hubby home all the time I'm finding our bedtime is creeping forward later and later. So to help get me back on track I'm doing a 3 week challenge. We know it takes that long to set the pattern in and make it a habit again. I'm setting bedtime for 10:30pm and water is 2L by 11am. No exceptions! Hopefully this will give me something to focus on besides....well...all the negativity around me lately.
I'm a firm believer that we should all make time for ourselves but, wow, life knows how to make that hard! So, babysteps over the next little while. Water to cleanse and sleep to rejuvenate. I can do this!
Cheers
CAT
 
I'm going insane! My husband was diagnosed with pancreatitis yesterday. We suspected it might be this but we won't know what the treatment entails until the scope is done mid month. I don't know where to stick myself half the time and I know I'm venting a good portion through my workouts. But I'm also experiencing some poor food choices. Surgery is pretty much a given for him. Soo many unanswered questions! He is not an alcoholic so it could have been from an injury or maybe inherited (that one is really tough as he was adopted and we don't know much about his biological father). I don't know and not sure that even matters now. The problem is here and we have to take things as they come.
Maybe I spent that last 2 years studying health and nutrition so I could be prepared for this challenge. One thing is certain, I will be adjusting his diet to maximize his health! He will likely have to take some digestive aids and possibly insulin but again, we just don't know yet.
I just need the doctors to do their part so he isn't in constant pain. My heart aches for him and I feel helpless at the moment. I think we're both scared right now...
Send us positive energies my friends! He needs all the white light we can get right now!
Much love
CAT
 
I'm awake, ugh! Since starting this weight class I'm really having to remind myself that I payed for them! Tuesday weights, Wednesday gymnastics, Thursday weights. My legs still hurt from the last two days and stairs are outright threatening. Last hard day for this week!! I'm off!!!

Update! Made it through my workout! Woot Woot!! Cardio days until next Tuesday. Never thought I'd be soo happy about doing cardio ><

Cheers
CAT