Today I walked into a new gym and signed the papers....When I filled them out I took my time. I felt so out of sorts! Within 5 minutes of me arriving I saw 3 people I knew. I should have felt at ease that there was the mom (can you really keep track of everyone's names, lol) of so-and-so. The lady at the desk actually taught part of the kickboxing classes I took for over a year! The place was busy though.
I decided that since I couldn't get into an orientation class until next Monday...I might as well have a good look around. So I walked the hall that lead to the first weight room. Glass windows framed the sweat fest inside. The door opened as a group moved out. They were explosive in talk, fit in form and....young. Where was this fear coming from?!?! So what!!! So I walked on....
I came to the next weight room. This one looked quiet...too quiet! Again, it is all glass in this place. So as I cautiously peered through I realized there were five people in there. If you can call these five rock hard bulks of rippling muscles and tendons men!!!! The testosterone was practically condensing into small clouds above their heads as they strained against the weights. I thought, oh my gosh, I can't go in there!!! So I walked on....
The hall curled (yes the walls curved) to the left and I came to (a couple washrooms...good to know where those are) a veranda over looking an indoor soccer field. When I looked up I could see the much talked about indoor track. It was at this point that I realized I was in a full blown panic attack. I texted my workout bud who was going to get her membership right quick too. No response, So I walked on....
I came full circle to the front desk. I smiled at the lady and said see you next time. By the time I made it back to my truck I felt silly. I sat there a moment thinking it all through when my workout bud texted me back. She was just about to pull in so I told her where I was (remember, it was crazy busy and more than a couple people had stalked the row of parked vehicles) and said she could have my spot. I realized something.
If I had stayed (feeling awkward and uncertain) I would not have been there to help her out. She did have her hands full with a busy schedule and her son home from preschool. It's a good thing I was leaving! LOL
Sigh
Ah well, we had a quick chat and decided that Friday would be perfect timing for us. I left feeling happy that I got to look around and got the membership all done. I went to the pool instead and did laps for 40mins :) While I swam I realized that I've been building up courage bit by bit. First with swimming because it is something that I feel very connected with and comfortable doing. Then with gymnastics where I've been pushing my physical and mental capacities once a week. Both helped me deal with presenting my body, in a way, comfortably in public. This was a big deal for me! I have always felt the need to wear loose clothes and to do 'activities' well...discretely. Well I can tell you that bathing suits and what we wear to do some of the crazy positions gymnastics calls for has nothing to do with discrete! The people I do it all with makes all the difference.
I know that I will face this challenge (I have to! I already paid for the membership) but I'm very grateful that I won't face it alone. Some things are best done with friends :) So I walk on....
Cheers
CAT
I decided that since I couldn't get into an orientation class until next Monday...I might as well have a good look around. So I walked the hall that lead to the first weight room. Glass windows framed the sweat fest inside. The door opened as a group moved out. They were explosive in talk, fit in form and....young. Where was this fear coming from?!?! So what!!! So I walked on....
I came to the next weight room. This one looked quiet...too quiet! Again, it is all glass in this place. So as I cautiously peered through I realized there were five people in there. If you can call these five rock hard bulks of rippling muscles and tendons men!!!! The testosterone was practically condensing into small clouds above their heads as they strained against the weights. I thought, oh my gosh, I can't go in there!!! So I walked on....
The hall curled (yes the walls curved) to the left and I came to (a couple washrooms...good to know where those are) a veranda over looking an indoor soccer field. When I looked up I could see the much talked about indoor track. It was at this point that I realized I was in a full blown panic attack. I texted my workout bud who was going to get her membership right quick too. No response, So I walked on....
I came full circle to the front desk. I smiled at the lady and said see you next time. By the time I made it back to my truck I felt silly. I sat there a moment thinking it all through when my workout bud texted me back. She was just about to pull in so I told her where I was (remember, it was crazy busy and more than a couple people had stalked the row of parked vehicles) and said she could have my spot. I realized something.
If I had stayed (feeling awkward and uncertain) I would not have been there to help her out. She did have her hands full with a busy schedule and her son home from preschool. It's a good thing I was leaving! LOL
Sigh
Ah well, we had a quick chat and decided that Friday would be perfect timing for us. I left feeling happy that I got to look around and got the membership all done. I went to the pool instead and did laps for 40mins :) While I swam I realized that I've been building up courage bit by bit. First with swimming because it is something that I feel very connected with and comfortable doing. Then with gymnastics where I've been pushing my physical and mental capacities once a week. Both helped me deal with presenting my body, in a way, comfortably in public. This was a big deal for me! I have always felt the need to wear loose clothes and to do 'activities' well...discretely. Well I can tell you that bathing suits and what we wear to do some of the crazy positions gymnastics calls for has nothing to do with discrete! The people I do it all with makes all the difference.
I know that I will face this challenge (I have to! I already paid for the membership) but I'm very grateful that I won't face it alone. Some things are best done with friends :) So I walk on....
Cheers
CAT
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