R1...oops! R2P1D1 Load Day!! Blech...it is 6:30pm and I'm a bit behind in my
loading. Just seems harder this time. I have resorted to munching on peanuts but
I don't think I can get much more in. So far I ate: Timmies breakfast sausage
sandwich, coffee with 3 cream and 1 sugar, 2 honey crullers (these really should
be called cruellers for how cruel they are in calories and fat!), McD's 10
chicken nuggets and 1 big mac, KFC double down stacker which is 2 pieces of
chicken on either side of some yucky sauce, cheese and bacon (no bun) and a
large bowl of ice cream. oh and the peanuts. All day my stomach has fought back
and I have to stay close to a bathroom. I hate how I feel and can't wait for the
vlcd to begin already. I am also very conscious of how people are looking at me
as I get the food. Sort of feel like I should hide and eat at home. Weird since
I really don't give a flying hoot about what others think normally. Accept me
for who I am or go away is what I say. I think I am just disgusted at myself but
this worked last time so...it is what I'm doing. One more day...I will continue
into the evening here to try to get the count higher. I really don't want to be
hungry this first week! Think I'll do a smoothie with some flax seeds next. I
just know I'm going to break 200 loading and that is also making me feel a bit
sick. *sigh* no way around it I guess. My preload weight is 198.4 which is
1.6lbs above my last drops weight from round 1. Like I said yesterday...I had a
good vacation! LOL I knew I was going back on drops when I got back and didn't
bother to bring my scale. So I have a ways to go before I see the 180s.
On a brighter note, my yard is all graded and we are almost ready for final
inspection. At the end of the month our house will be considered done! Yay! Now
to plant some grass and try to keep the wild life off for it to grow....this
includes the kids! My boy won't be happy that his 'sandbox' is closing down.
I'll leave a square for them but I know it won't compare to the 'Mountains of
Yesterday'. How grand the world is to them :) I look forward to summer break
(even with all the whining) so we can enjoy the grandeur together at a lake.
That should help the lawn!
Hello!!
I have just returned from a much needed vacation! It was short but sweet. I'm ready to get back to work :)
Tomorrow I start round 2 of my journey to a healthier me. I stayed within my LDW for close to 6 weeks and feel so much better than I did just 3 months ago. This next round will be short (3 weeks on VLCD) and I'll take what I
can get. No expectations. There is a general feeling of contentment that I find I experience when I just let things be what they will be. Why does it have to be hard? I say, let it be easy! Enjoy what you are doing just for the sake of enjoyment itself. I know, this doesn't work all the time. But just once in awhile, let go and enjoy the moment. For all that you have and all that you CAN do, remember to allow yourself that enjoyment in your life. So for whatever it is, this round will be. LOL I will post as I can but no promises....it is summer!!
R1M2D11 (-2.8 LDW)
*sigh* I know I should be mad about this too like I am when I gain but, alas, I am not
mad, lol. I ate all my calories and even had a beer with supper. I'm not a
drinker normally but every now and then I enjoy a drink. This is good
though...now I can take my weekend trip without worrying too much about gaining
and then doing load days to just gain more...I'm not increasing my calories
today. I will aim for my normal 2000-2300 calories. So long as I don't eat less
than all should be fine :) It really is tempting to just diet without the drops
and save them for when I stall. I'm just not sure I would get very far without
losing muscle and good fats. I wonder if I did the same thing to my body this
last few days as we do when we load and then drop our calories to 500 with the
drops? Sort of shocked the system into losing. Anyway, I'm 194 this morning and
I can hear the 180s calling my name the week after next :) I know I am starting
3 days before my 6 weeks without drops is up but, really, is 3 days going to
matter?? Guidelines is all. I'm excited to get round 2 done so I can get back to M.
R1M2D10 (-0.6 LDW)
That worked. I dropped 1.6 but I don't think I'm in the clear. Yesterday, I ate hardly anything. I skipped breakfast and snack. For Lunch, I had a protein shake and an apple. No afternoon snack. Supper was a large steak cooked in evoo (extra virgin olive oil) and a large leafy salad done dry. I had an evening snack of peanuts and then hubby had a bowl of cookies.....yes I ate one :( It can be so hard when it (it being anything you know you can't eat but really want!) is sitting right in front of you. Honestly, it was easier to turn away when I was on the drops. Then, I had the greater fear of gaining but now...I don't know...It is just harder now. Today I am focusing on getting all my calories in and eating the right foods to get there. It may have worked to drop it down for one day but I don't want to send my body into a pendulum state swinging this way and that. Part of my problem is I stopped counting calories and stopped recording my foods in general. Then I added bad foods without evening seeing how much I was adding in calories. I probably could have had the 'treats' (aka junk) if I had at least made sure I was within my allowed calories...but noooo....just stuffed it in, LOL. Good Grief! Oh well, it is done now. I'm on the mend (mentally) and didn't have to do a steak day. So no major harm done. I think I will highlight this part of my journey on my sheets. A stark reminder of just how easy it is to go flying off the track and also how, through determination alone, I can pull myself back! (I hope hubby finishes those cookies soon!)
R1M2D9 (+1 LDW)
Okay...I'm in trouble with ME!! I was doing good yesterday until I hit early evening. There are some left over goodies in the house from the bday party and I was weak :( I ate 2 mini cinnamon buns. So I tried to get back on track but failed again in the late evening with a bowl of munchies. *sigh* I obviously have some bad habits that I have not got control over yet. I'm not going to make excuses or try to pump myself up with what I have done right. I need to look my problems in the face (hello mirror) and get a grip!!! I don't want to deal with all the
health problems that plague my family. I will not continue to live a life that is not living...I need to control my foods, not let my foods control me. I am pissed at myself and I am going to use that anger to motivate me to where I really want to be....ALIVE!!!
(In moving this post over from the last site I have to say that I find me rather dramatic here! LMAO)
R1M2D8 (-0.4 LDW)
Sunday birthday festivities were a screaming success :)
I didn't keep track of my food Saturday and Sunday. I was too busy and not
really concerned since I was so low anyway. I definitely broke some rules with
hot dogs and munchie mixes but like I said...I wasn't worried about a little
gain. This morning, I am still sitting below my LDW so I'm happy. Today I am
back on track though. I kinda feel like I have a junk food hang over, lol. So
today was high protein, veggies and some juicy fruits. I feel much better this
evening.
R1M2D6 (-2 LDW)
Still down there :) Still eating good. Not much to say today. My mind is on my lil girl and her birthday party tomorrow. We got her a bike! She is going to love it! I hope the weather is nice mid day as I'm planning on a water park theme just in the yard. What more could a bunch of 4-6 year old want?? LOL So today I mow and fill
the pool so it warms up. I have a 'Blue's Clues' cake pan and I think that hot dogs with a couple fruit and veggie trays from costco should do the trick. I might try my icing trick on them but I'll see. I did this last week with some
fruit. Know how we normally make cream cheese icing....well...french vanilla stevia, plain stevia and cream cheese with a lil more vanilla extract tastes awesome!! No added sugar :) I haven't done it since because I'm afraid I could get out of hand with this treat, lol. I used the spreadable type of cream cheese. Well, I'm off! Have a great day everyone!
R1M2D5 (-2 LDW)
OOPS!...HAHAHA! I ate yesterday! I swear I ate good! Double whey shake for breakfast with a banana again, tomato soup with chicken for lunch, 50g of peanuts, almond milk, apple, and then supper was left over spaghetti with grated medium full fat cheddar and parmesan again. In the evening I did a cup of yogurt and some more peanuts again. Doesn't this sound like a full day of eating. I think so....I felt satisfied. I think part of this has to do with the departure of tom. I was wondering what would happen if I stayed within 2lbs during tom. Like I said before...normally I can gain up to 10lbs during tom. I checked my water level today and I'm at 47% water so that is all good. So long as I don't lose anymore than I guess I just have a wonderful 4 poound buffer, lol. Now that sounds funny! I'm not sure I can get concerned about losing more weight but to be sure, I ate all my calories again today and uped it a bit.
Just a quick note: I have set my round 2 start date and I'm sooo excited. The plan stands with June 19th & 20th as my load days unless this proves too difficult to bring loading foods to the lake. In which case I will move things forward a couple days...meh...either way. I can't see me being too strick that weekend!
R1M2D4 (-0.8 LDW)
See!?!?!
My body WANTS to lose more, lol. As much as I enjoy being able to eat as much as
I can at this weight, I feel the need to move on here...I'm happy I can eat
pasta though! What a relief. I've talked to people who say they can't touch
carbs without gaining after they dieted hard core. I don't want to spend my life
avoiding ALL carbs forever. This method has got my body burning like it should!
When I say I had spaghetti for supper I mean I had a plate full, not just a cup
of it. Parmesan on top too. I also ended the day with a bowl of ice
cream...about 125g....chocolate...mmmmmm I was within my calorie count and I did
NOT feel guilty. This morning's weigh-in shows that I did great. Looks like I
was actually a bit short but I can live with that :) Not only am I retraining my
body but I'm also conditioning my mind to move forward with the changes. Some
days I feel less optimistic but hey...it's a work in progress....
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